Many a time have I credited my success
To others around me who do it “best”
Only to look back and then obviously see
From the beginning, it’s always been me
I’ve been too quick to doubt myself
Placing medals over heads of the cells
Which imprison me into a belief
I can’t even provide my own goddamn relief
This is what happened when my flame lit
I opened my mouth, found its fire I can spit
Not realising, of course I’ve done this before
Of course I have, otherwise my life would be on the floor
From each hole I’ve dug and jumped in
Walls cracked when the flames did begin
I’ve set fire to my city so many times
For years I’ve documented this is so many lines
All for my future reference, the odd perusal
To correct the definition of my own refusal
To believe in myself like no one else has
To walk forward and execute this plan
The Phoenix was there, crumbling in the ashes
Rage escaped as the quickfire flashed
Resulting in every previous escape
Choosing destiny, instead of my fate
No one gave me this, they do not display it themselves
Still Dragging their feet through their own hell
As the red flashes deep in Cerulean skies
The soulless glaze mistaken for soulful eyes
Only when you’ve viewed the landscape of your destiny
Only when you prepare and make yourself ready
A mix of reality and dreams is the one to consider
So you don’t sell your soul to the highest bidder
And those eyes never did penetrate my soul
The blue was never deep enough for me to offer myself whole
So few words exchanged in actual practice
Because the OCD wouldn’t let me crack this
Because that year that passed,
Twenty thirteen, the departed last
I was trapped in a prison, between a hard place and a rock
My soul shifted my vision to point out the missing lot
Then once I noticed, it was all gone
Weirdly, like it was never there all along
Because I do see clearly, now the rain has gone
That shit’s not just the lyrics of a song
Then, so rarely is that the case
The words the music seem to replace
The feeling present with each shift of the chords
Connects me with the divine with such force
And… I know I’m thinking clearly now
I know because there is no doubt
I’m back to that level of thought
Before the chemical intake I sort
After all, it’s chemical reaction
It certainly touche upon levels of attraction
Once they dropped so did the feeling
That one that sent my mind reeling
Because love doesn’t do that, it’s a calm
Filled with future and present ideas, that’s the charm
I could never believe we would have ever worked
That’s why it filled me with so much hurt
Otherwise it’s actions, based on deception
Deflected truths chosen upon reception
Memories created on a base of lies
Rather than the reality of writing the ink between those thighs
The message between the lines in my words
About the fact it always fucking hurt
Because I didn’t want to feel that way
Not like the reality of my current day to day
My emotions shifted with actions
They don’t that much with actual attraction
Really I shouldn’t have fallen for an idea
When I knew that’s what it was through fear
This, is the practice of the art of relativity
Assessing the status quo, no presence of negativity
Or swaying it towards the positive view
Just think, how is it relative to you?
All I know, I know so fucking well
From a million lessons I’ve learned to tell
Experiences surmountable to receive credit
Impacting so hard, I’ll never forget it
You see, once again, I review my past lives.
What elements were lost, which survived
Mostly my actions benefit both me and the many
Despite the fact half the poor souls aren’t ready
Rarely do my actions zoom in one just one
Because I save this always for my number one
And when there was two, there was only still one
It’s not even like it was ever for fun
It caused me heartache and agony, I knew I was being used
I was never really that confused
Again, it’s evident through out my words
Even the ones no one has ever heard
I wanted it to end, not ever act on it
That was the conflict, I reacted from it
Through blog, diary, poetry as well
I wanted to forgive me for putting myself through hell
It states on repeat l need to move on my from my own defeat
I know this, they’re my goddamn words
I remember writing every single syllable
Often with an attitude of the cynical
And when she left, I wrote about my own flame.
This was the very birth of the Phoenix name
Retardant words soaking up the heat
With imploding phonics rhythmic beats
You can tell the essence of my truth
As the beat I didn’t spit my youth
Not like I can gas it up these days
There was still power, in different ways
Still, the odd one came through the pen
About the fire just now and then
Even these you can compare
Models of the current DNA aren’t there
The fire was, in the depth of those twiists
It was smoke, not fog, in my midst
I beat the blindness back with the winds
Of the storm I create, when the season begins
The storm, the eye in which few tread
I wanted her there in my head
But she never got past the raging seas
My walls rebuilt after erupting emotionally
The calm exists for those who fight through
Mostly though, I know people rarely do
A mix of my elements knocking them off their feet
Or them taking advantage of the weather only in the sun’s heat
These don’t exist in my life for long
Because they look at me and get it wrong.
Mainly because they’re wrong about themselves
And still running in circles in their own hell
I don’t wish them harm, just peace one day
I just fly on my own path anyway
“Second star to the right, straight on ’til dawn”
Where there’s vitamin D in every dawn
Where words are not judged, because people all want peace
Where time occurs simultaneously, with ease
This is where the Phoenix heart rests her head
From the mountains and valleys, to that riverbed.
Twiistd Progress 